Wednesday, September 26, 2007

A Confession

"How do you recognize the sound of your soul's calling?" (link)

I read that today, and it got me to thinking. What IS it that I really want?

I have been agonizing over my life lately, and trying to decide just where it is I need to be. My body is tired, and I feel more awful than anything else. Yet I refuse to just shrivel up and blow into the corner... so what to do?

I tried going back to classes online, figuring that it would be easier than actually attending a school. But in the last couple of days, my whole being has been screaming in protest. I tried taking notes as I read the text, tried to download the lab materials, but I have no heart for it at all! I have been going to school for 7 years now, and I don't think anyone would berate me if I wanted to take a break from it for a bit and heal. But what would I do with myself all day? I think I may drop the online stuff, but keep the T.A. job. I really am learning so much there, and I do need something to look forward to. I also need that little bit of human interaction. I suppose I could take the time to concentrate on my art. If I want to make any money at it, I have to create something! That isn't happening right now. There are a lot of family things in the pot, too, but those things are always there, and always stressful. Like everyone else in the world, eh?

The rest I fear will have to be "played by ear."
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