Saturday, September 03, 2011

A Catharsis! (Really, a rant!)

Well, today starts another semester. One drawing class, and a watercolor painting course. It's good to be mixing it up again. I haven't touched a pencil in a year. As I look over my past work, I see stuffy, pretentious, forced drawings. They make me mad. People say, "Drawing really isn't your thing." Why???? I work my ass off on these things!!!!! I've never worked so hard on anything. And I hate them. I had way too many excuses: I didn't like the model, I hated the charcoal mess, I didn't understand the reasons for the assignments. A lot of negatives, and it shows. I have boxes of material, which make me mad because they cost so much, money to be spent when we really needed other things. Mad for being so selfish and spending money on myself. The materials mock me! I have a student loan that will follow me to the grave.

It all shows.

Today, I decided that if this is what I want to do, I have to stop fighting myself, get down to business and JUST DO IT.. I spent two hours today scribbling. Practicing using a new way to hold the pencil, using my whole arm. I got out a brand new pencil, and scribbled. I sharpened it over and over, and just kept going. Used up the whole damn thing! And dulled two blades on my Palomino. When the cat sat on my big drawing board, I switched to a smaller one and charcoal, and Kept On Going. I smeared charcoal all over my clothes! Art is messy, I need to embrace that! Two charcoal sticks are gone. The garbage can is full of shavings.

What do I have to show for it? A stub, a dull sharpener, and pages of scribbles. So what???! My head aches, my arm aches because I haven't used it in so long, so what! I no longer have that pencil or the charcoal, that's true, but was it doing anything useful sitting there in a box, drawing dust? There is more where that came from, and if I am willing to spend the money, I need to make the best of it, and start being positive! Damn, art isn't stress, and it shouldn't be a battleground. 

I'm going to go clean up, vacuum, dump the garbage. Its all good. Its all good, ITS ALL GOOD! And its going to be a great flipping year!
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